Think about what you want more of in your life. Is it joy, happiness, laughter, peace, fun? Is it touch, connection, love, purpose? Whatever it is that popped into your mind first, take a moment to imagine what your life would be like if you had more of that permeating through your daily activities. What would life be like? How would you feel? What would you do differently? How might your work and personal relationships change?

Now, before taking too long to think about it, answer this question: Why isn’t there more of that quality in your life?

Did you include another person in your answer? Maybe your mom didn’t do something when you were young, maybe your partner isn’t giving you what you need, maybe you are facing a very tough crisis or situation.

One of the areas I will touch on in my book is how I use to crave more joy and more peace in my life when I was in my 20-year marriage. For a very long time when I thought about it, I would get angry and blame my ex-husband for doing or not doing the things that I thought would bring more peace and joy in my life. “If only he would…” I would say in one form or another.

What I have learned, both through my training and my own personal journey is that if I want more joy in my life or peace or any other quality, it is up to ME to bring it in. Blaming my husband at the time for not having enough joy or peace in my life, may have seemed right. He did often get angry and he always needed to be in control. He was almost always stressed and he often took it out on me and the kids. If only he changed, it would be better. Right? Wrong! And it only took me 20 years to figure that outJ

Two things to remember: First of all, you are responsible for your own life. No matter your history or current situation, you always have a choice on how to handle it, right now. I have had guests on The Dr Laura Ciel Show talking about some very tough situations and each time I hear someone new speak about challenging times in their life that they have overcome, I realize that the key is in how we respond to the stuff that is out of our control. Let go of what you cannot control and focus on what you can.

Secondly, if you are not willing to bring these qualities that you crave into your life, why are you expecting someone else to? This is tough and may sound harsh. Believe me, I have struggled with this myself as have many of my clients. You want more kindness in your life? Check in with yourself and see if you are truly being kind to yourself. Or, are you criticizing, demanding, and judging what you do? Guess what? If you are, you are inviting more of that in your life. There will be less kindness and more criticism, judgment and demands until you choose to be kind to yourself.

After four years of separation and two years of divorce, I can look back on my married life and see how I hurt not only myself but also my ex-husband. I was waiting for him to do what I was not wiling to do for myself. I wanted him to be more joyful and peaceful and made him responsible for the lack of those qualities in my life. Now… I still hope for him that he finds more joy and peace in his life. The difference is that I no longer expect him to do it FOR ME. I decided to do it for myself.

Even now, with my ex wanting to fight over and over again about money or the kids I remind myself that it is not his responsibility to make me feel more peace and joy. It is mine. I can choose to get sucked up into his drama (and believe me, sometimes I do), but I make a conscious effort to let him BE in his drama and I consciously choose to make decisions that lead to more peace and joy in my own life.

So… back to the question I asked at the beginning. What do YOU want more of in your life?

The clearer that picture is and the less you blame other people or situations for the lack of what you desire AND the more you can consciously make choices that reflect what you really want, the more it will flow into your life. It truly will. Feel it within you as clearly and as fully as you can and you will see your world around you shift and change to reflect even more of that quality in your life. It starts with you.

I’d love to hear how this is working or not in your life. Comment below and/or email me for more details on how to make this happen in your life: drlaura@1oneworldleadership.com

It’s almost the end of 2012 and a great time to review your life. Some of you may want to look at where you are in your career, in your relationships and/or in your physical and emotional health. Others may find it easier to review where you are mentally, physically, emotionally, energetically and spiritually. If you think of your life as an opportunity to learn and to grow, have you been doing that to the best of your ability?

I have found myself speaking quite a lot lately about my growth with friends and colleagues. The last few years have given me so many opportunities to learn (and not always in the way I had hoped!). Perhaps this is true for you as well.

Or, maybe you have had a year of settling in, integrating past lessons and challenges. Either way, reviewing the past year on several levels gives you an opportunity to become more aware and conscious of your decisions and to lay the foundation for 2013l

Here are some questions to help jumpstart your own review.  Take a moment to reflect on each one. I like to think about  questions like this on runs or hikes, but you may prefer more quiet mediation. Either way… give it some space. Don’t answer too quickly.

The growth is in the exploration, partly because you will become more aware. This awareness will serve you well in planning for next year and achieving the goals and dreams you have going forward.

·      What are you most grateful for this past year?

·      Which of your values did you most honor in 2012? (if not clear about your values, take a moment to list them first or choose to work with a coach in identifying them)

·      What was your biggest struggle this past year? Why?

·      What has been your biggest lesson?

·      Where in your life, did you see the most growth? (In your relationships? At work? With your kids? In your health? Etc…)

·      When did you feel most ALIVE this year?

·      When did you feel most down?

·      What is your biggest regret, if any?

There are so many more questions I could give you, but these can get you started.

You could also listen to a segment or two of The Dr Laura Ciel Show archives as there are so many wonderful guests who have shared their journeys.

As you think about the upcoming year use these questions as foundation to start creating more of what you want in your life.  Your answers will show you what is important to you, what fulfills you and what does not, and where you might want to put your focus in 2013.

Share your thoughts with me and with the community on FB or Twitter or comment below.

For more information on individual coaching or workshops expanding on these ideas, feel free to contact me HERE.

As I was prepping for an upcoming workshop I am presenting in Washington DC this month titled "Creating the Life You Want" I was thinking about what it is that stops us from naturally doing this. Why aren't we all living the life we want?

Some of the things that come to mind are fear, lack of clarity, negative talk, lack of confidence, the fact that it is easier to "just settle" for what is, and the idea that somehow others can do it but not us. Really, these are all just excuses.

There will always be something going on or some reason you can use as an excuse for NOT living the life you want. If you plan on waiting for that "perfect moment" you will be waiting quite a while. This is one of the reasons I started The Dr Laura Ciel Show. I want everyone to know that you can make a change right now. You don't have to wait.

Yes, if you stay focused on your problems, your struggles, your issues, you will be focusing on the excuses and will have less energy and drive to actively create the life you want. On the other hand, if you focus on the possibilities you will find more energy and excitement. If you drop the excuses and instead see your situation as an opportunity for growth, you can allow yourself to move forward. Curious if you are using excuses? Ask yourself this question:

"When will I start living the life I want?"

Now write down your answer. If there is anything there other than “I already am”… that answer is your big excuse (some examples might be “when I have more money”, “when I get a better job”, “when I finish school”, “when I lose weight”, “when I move, get out of this relationship, change my hair color… you get the idea).

Notice it, be curious about it and then wonder what might be possible if you changed your outlook to one of working “with” this obstacle/issue/struggle and embracing it in service of living the life you want.

This is how I choose my guests for The Dr Laura Ciel Show. I interview people who are wiling to speak openly about their own struggles and obstacles and how they moved forward in their lives without using these struggles as excuses or as crutches for not doing what was most meaningful for them.

Even if you are not a regular listener to the show, I wanted to share this blog with you because right now you can make a choice to embrace your struggles just as my guests have done and stop making excuses. You can take all that energy you have been wasting on fighting, resisting and complaining and you can mobilize it for creating more of what you want in your life.
You can start living your life full out and open up to the possibilities!

I would love to hear how you are doing this as well as where you are getting stuck so post a comment here or connect on my FB page so we all can share and learn!
And of course, if you ever want to book a private session with me to maximize your efforts contact me here.

 I recently did a show on “Finding Your Voice” on The Dr Laura Ciel Show.   

Although the show itself had some technical issues… the topic is an important one and I wanted to speak about it here in case you missed it or couldn't hear it all.  You can incorporate this into your professional and your personal life right now.

When I talk about living an exceptional life I am speaking to the whole of who you are. Often, we neglect or forget core parts of ourselves. Or perhaps we shut it down because we feel ashamed of it or that others might not want “that part”. We can come up with lots of reasons for shutting out part of who we are, but we won’t be living full out if we continue to do that.

I believe that finding your voice means first becoming aware of all parts of yourself and becoming conscious about how they all play out in your life. How can you speak your truth in a relationship or even at work if you are not even paying attention to the whole of who you are? Let’s say you realize that you want to be more fully who you are in your day to day interactions. What next?

Are you speaking your truth to yourself? Have you found your voice inside? If not, work on making this clear. Be honest and impeccable with what matters to you in your life and what you feel you are meant to do in your lifetime. This is a huge step and not to be glossed over. Sometimes it helps to have a coach help you and other times you can do it alone. Don’t expect it to happen overnight. Make a commitment to figure it out and you won’t regret it.

Let’s say you are becoming more aware of this voice of yours… maybe not completely because it will never be “done” or “perfect” but you will sense it starting to take form and you will feel the urge to act on it, even if you are not sure what you should do. You start to notice that you feel compelled to make it more real or bring in more fully into the world. I like to say that you are starting to live from your heart, others may call in your higher self, your spiritual self but I think you know what I mean. I'm talking about the part that is independent of your ego and all the “shoulds” you have accumulated. What next?

Now you find your voice and speak it out loud. Yes, your circumstances may be different from the person next to you. Are you going to use this as an excuse? We are all unique and bring such amazing gifts into the world. If we don't speak our truth, we are not honoring our gifts. Part of owning who you are and finding your voice is embracing all parts of you just exactly where you find yourself in this moment.

Even if due to your particular circumstances (age, gender, nationality, career, etc…) you feel you cannot say everything out loud, say it silently to yourself. With attention, reflection, honesty and an ability to own your authentic self, you will be better able to speak from your heart. As you do this, you will find the universe will reflect this back to you and you will feel like you are more authentically living from this place within you. And it gets easier the more you do it, not to mention a whole lot of fun!

Finding your voice is just one aspect of living your exceptional life and you certainly need it to create more of what you want around you.

Post your thoughts and comments below. The community would love to hear your experiences with speaking your truth.

If you have any questions or comments for upcoming shows please leave a comment here or post on Twitter or FB!

I have this vivid memory. I’m in school and aged about 8. It’s the day of the school photos. It’s a day for looking your best and smiling big wide smiles.

As we lined up waiting for the photographer my teacher turned to me with dismay, “Oh Vanessa, you’ll have to rub that off. Have you seen what you’ve done?”
Of course I hadn’t. I had inadvertently drawn with green felt tip under my nose whilst daydreaming. Everyone laughed and I felt the flush of embarrassment as I was sent to the toilet to try and get it off.

The truth is no matter how much I wanted to look neat, it just wasn’t my way. My curly hair was jaggedly uneven where I had waywardly decided to cut in a fringe (bangs) a few weeks before.

I’m still not neat. However I am much more comfortable in my skin and that feeling grows each day. It’s only recently that I realise the subtle pattern of my life. It’s a pattern of trying hard to fit in but really longing to stand out. Where does fitting in show up? I found it was all over the place!

In my career I tried hard to be a great employee but was all the time longing to shake the tree and create transformation. Socially I would get caught up in saying yes to engagements and then wishing I were somewhere else. When I started my own business I tried to do it right and look professional but felt creatively stifled. In my relationships I would play down my ambitions and apologise for my dreams. What led to the shift in my way of being?

I got sick and tired of selling myself short. It wasn’t getting me results. The more aware I became of what I was doing and when I was doing it, the more I understood the cost of compliance and fitting in.

I kept coming UP TO THE EDGE of “do the thing that’s nice and fake fitting in” or “do the thing that’s real and stand out”. Eventually I chose “do the thing that’s real.”

I finally came to a place of sovereignty where I could take ownership of who Vanessa is and all that I stand for.

It is a choice: If you find yourself choosing to fit in instead of taking the step toward your leadership I would give you this advice:

Notice when you do it.

How often is it and what is the benefit and cost of it?

Really allow yourself to feel that yucky feeling in your body when you’ve sold yourself short. Once there is awareness then there is choice. You can choose to fit in and you can also choose the voice of your inner knowing. It’s a voice that’s calling you forth each day into your leadership.

What I know is true is that when you step toward that place, fitting in starts to pale and what’s left is the magic of owning your courage and your leadership.

- Vanessa Anstee is creator of Workplace Freedom Fighters . She is passionate about helping people find their individuality, expression and freedom to do the work they love.

A special thank you to Vanessa for this guest blog. Life is about choices and your blog allows others to become aware of their choices in their lives so that they can move from their edge into the exceptional lives they want to be living. Please post a  comment below about the choices you have made in your life and where you want to make changes. We would love to hear!
 

You can reach a point of diminishing returns and you need to discern when this moment is. When I used to work in hospitals and medical centers, there was a lot of research showing that educating the patient was critical for the best outcome. This is true. We need information to make the best decisions for ourselves. Understanding why is often motivating.

However, I was always referred the people AFTER they had been quite educated. Adherence to medication or any type of recommended regimen was very low with them, even when their physicians gave them more and more information. Why?This was a UCLA teaching hospital and the level of care was very high. The physicians and residents were very good at giving information to the patients. The people I saw had been told, informed and lectured about the consequences/effects of NOT complying yet they still didn’t follow through.

Maybe you can see where I am going with this.

Maybe you have found yourself in a situation where you know what you should do, yet you don’t do it. You keep trying to collect more data. Why? If this has persisted over time, I doubt that the answer is to get more information. You already know what you want/plan to do.

If there is a lack of knowledge and direction is not clear, you want to pursue understanding. If you have enough information to move forward/take action. Why aren’t you? This is where the juicy stuff is, in the answer to this question.

At a particular point, additional knowledge no longer has an effect on follow-through/action/compliance.

Ask yourself, is there a particular area in your life where you have been accumulating information and nothing seems to be moving/shifting/changing? Perhaps in your relationship, at work or in your physical or emotional state of being? How much more information do you need before you take action? And, be honest. And how much time are you giving yourself to collect this data before you act?

I’m all for education. It is critical to our growth and development as human beings. And yet, many people spend more time accumulating information than doing what it is they know they are meant to do or being who they want to be.

Just one question this month. Use it when you wonder why you seem to be spinning around and around the same area without any change. Maybe you keep signing up for courses or reading books or talking to people, lots of people. Ask yourself this:

How does this serve my greater purpose, my mission in this lifetime?

Your answer will inform you on whether you follow this path or if you instead take action. If there is not clear impact on your purpose or mission, it might be time to put down the books, quiet the talk and take action.

By the way, you learn a lot by taking action.

Let me know how it goes by posting below or on FaceBook or on Twitter. And if you need any inspiration from others who have also walked this path (or if you have a question yourself) tune in to The Dr Laura Ciel Show – On The Edge of Exceptional live or listen to the archives.
 

I was asked a question recently by one of my listeners that I answered on my last radio program: “How do you create happiness in your life?” Chris asked. You can stop reading now and listen to my live radio response by clicking HERE. Or keep reading… it won’t be verbatim but it gets the general idea across.

My answer to this question is to ask yourself 5 questions that will help you be more aware of what you are doing (or not doing) to consciously create more happiness in your life.

Keep in mind that this is not about trying to control your external circumstances. As long as that is what you focus on, you will never be consciously creating your experience. You will see yourself as a victim and happiness is much more elusive when you are in victim mode.

I hope that considering these questions allows you to become more aware of your role in your life and feel more powerful that you can create more of what you want.

How many of these questions do you answer YES to?

• Are you choosing to be happy? Be clear with yourself about this. Are you choosing this or is it more important to “be right”, be in control, blame and judge others, complain and/or dwell on the past and worry about the future?

• Are you focusing on the good, the positive in a moment? Or are you staying with negative, fearful, self-defeating thoughts? It may be easier to stay with those negative thoughts, but it is still a choice. You can choose to do it differently.

• Are there people, experiences, moments etc. that you are grateful for? Right now? Everyday, even on the bad days, the tough moments?

• Are you ready to let go and open up? Are you willing to let go of your excuses, your past, your expectations, your resistance to change and your old story? Are you choosing to open up to possibility, change, magic and unexpected surprises? You can’t fully open up until you let go.

• Do you have compassion for others? Compassion not only can lead to action, but it shifts the energy in our interactions with others. Do you, in some way, contribute to another’s well being and/or the well being of humanity, life, the planet? When you have compassion this just naturally evolves.

The reality is that there will be tough moments in your life, things will happen that aren’t what you wanted or expected. “Being happy” is not a finite end state that once attained is secure and unchanging.

Creating happiness is a way of being in the world, an awareness that your life has meaning and that you create your story in each moment. The more you answer yes to the questions above, the more likely you will create more happiness in your life. I will add that this sense of happiness tends to go hand in hand with feelings of connection with others, a sense of gratitude for what is and a sense that there is a bigger picture than you have been seeing.

The great news is that you can choose to do any of these things in a moment. Try it and see what happens and feel free to comment below.

And, of course, if you have a question you want answered on The Dr Laura Ciel Show post it on my FaceBook Page NOW and maybe it will make it on the show!
 

Wow! This has been an incredible few weeks. Nothing like putting yourself out there in a most vulnerable way and going for it all out! Being Real. Being me and not running away.

I have no idea where I got the idea to do a radio show. It almost fell into my lap and yet it didn’t. I kept being drawn to this although my background, education and training would argue against it. In my personal quest to be me and allow whatever I am intended to bring into this world to surface… the radio show idea just kept showing up in one form or another. I just wasn’t sure how it fit into my “business plan”.

So, you know what I did? I abandoned my old patterns and listened to what kept popping up in my heart and deep within me. And this is what it was: I love my work with individuals and groups AND I want to reach more people! There are so many people who feel disconnected, alone, frustrated, sad, scared, whatever who might be inspired by another’s story, a piece of another human being’s journey.

So, out the window how to make a “business plan” out of it and “out the window” with training and education in putting on a show and IN with listening to my heart and going for it! I love helping people tell their stories, not necessarily the ones that we all have practiced, but those deep stories that are real and that resonate with other people.

And this is where I found myself the night before the premier of “The Dr Laura Ciel Show”. I was so scared I couldn’t even speak into the mic as we checked equipment; seriously NOTHING came out of my mouth. My mind was blank and the room felt to be about 100 degrees. The adrenaline coursing through my body made sure I couldn’t sleep and couldn’t eat and I couldn’t even run the next morning without stopping and gasping for air.

I asked myself why this intense response and this is what I knew. I knew this is what I was meant to do and I wanted to do it full-out, not give up on myself and do the best I could. Last Wednesday as the red clock counted down to my time on the air, I closed my eyes and trusted that what was meant to happen would happen. It was AMAZING! And I’m sure my three station engineers sighed a big breath of relief (they only needed one there, but I think they were all worried).

Not that there aren’t plenty of areas to improve on, but I did it the best I could for where I was. I was flying so high after that hour ended and I knew that this is where I was meant to be at this particular time. Everything just clicked into place, it was fun and I have gotten so much feedback that listeners found it interesting, informative and inspiring which is exactly what I was aiming for.

I couldn’t wait to start planning the next few shows!

I don’t know where this will end up going, but I do know that this is where I need to be right now. I’m excited about tweaking it, about interviewing new guests and I’m excited about listeners with questions who will want to call in. I am sharing some of my own personal journey here so that you will know a bit more about me, but also so that when you ponder the things that happen in your own life, you might just pause and listen with both your brain and your heart.

And I hope you listen in this week as I interview Denise Duffield-Thomas and Dr Eric Goodman about their journeys on the path of personal growth and achievement. I’m so excited!

If you have any questions or comments for upcoming shows please leave a comment here or post to Twitter or FB!

First off, let me just say that I have never worked with Adele and I have never even met her, so all that follows is based solely on what I have read or seen of her. This means we have the same information, since I assume you know who I am talking about. She did just win a few Grammys!

So this is what I know: She is very clear that her recent album “21” evolved out of a “rubbish relationship” and she believes she needs to take time off from her work to focus on her new relationship in order to give it a chance to succeed.

First lesson from Adele is that you can create something beautiful out of a problem, a crisis, a negative in your life. This is exactly my point in my work with clients. We cannot avoid pain in our lifetimes and we cannot control everything around us, but we have total control over what we DO with our situation at any moment (our thoughts and actions). Adele’s choice to write about her bad relationship and turn it into music worked brilliantly for her. Not only did she recently win 6 Grammy awards, but she is adored by her fans who connect with her songs. Adele shared her pain in her unique way and it resonates with so many in the world.

The next time something goes wrong in your life, however big or small, look for how to turn it into something positive for yourself. Are you going through a divorce? How will you recreate your life? Unhappy in your job? What do you want differently? How will you choose to deal with your feelings? Any time that we experience discomfort or pain, the universe is telling us to pay attention, be conscious and make a change. Adele shows us one way to create from chaos, but there are as many ways to do this as there are humans on this planet.

The second lesson I want to point out here is that being successful in one area of your life does not guarantee you will feel successful in all areas of your life. Focusing on only one part of you will eventually lead you to wanting to make a drastic change or you will suffer some pretty uncomfortable feelings such as frustration, depression, apathy, pain and often many physical symptoms as well such as sleep problems, stress and a decrease in your health. If you don’t pay attention to all of who you are, something will try to get you to pay attention at some point.

This is why I would love to work with Adele!

Adele is proposing to take time off from her career (maybe not based on recent articles, but she’s thinking about it) in order to spend more time on her new relationship. Oh how I would love to work with her right now when she is deciding how she wants to create this personal side of her life. I would ask her questions to stimulate what she really wants and how this fits in with her gifts and her dreams for her life. I would work with her to be very clear about how she envisions all areas of her life so that she could take the exact steps she wants to take going forward. I would help her to integrate all of who she is so that she would be fulfilled personally and professionally and feel successful in all definitions of that word.

Hard to know what she will actually end up deciding to do, but check out this quote of hers from Vogue "I am f****** off for four or five years. If I am constantly working, my relationships fail. So at least now I can have enough time to write a happy record. And be in love and be happy."

Two things stand out: She isn’t really thinking of taking off entirely. See that part in there about the “happy record”? And, she has herself convinced that when she is working her relationships fail. What if she knew how to be happy, be in love AND make her music as she wants to?

Same goes for you! Are you spending too much time on your personal life or professional life? Have you sacrificed one area of your life for another? It doesn’t’ have to be that way.

Think I could convince Adele to join my new Women's Group Virtual Coaching series that starts March 6, 2012?